The Cullen's Can't Do List
by xXMythical-Midnight-SunXx
Summary: A story from Jasper's POV, he writes everyone a can't do list, but not one for himself, so Alice takes charge. I stink at summary's please read and review.


**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight(sniff sniff) but I do own this list.**

**A/N: Just a random thing I thought of.** **(by the way, Bella's a vampire)**

_JASPER'S POV_

"Hey guys get down here, I have something to show you." I called, then a a few seconds later the whole family, including Bella and Renesmee, came into the living room where I was standing. "What do you want?" Edward asked annoyed; always the kind on. "I made a list of 5 things each of you are not allowed to do.'' I said pridefully, they raised their eyebrows. "Here Edward you start.'' I said handing him his list. He read;

''1: No painting Jasper's car pink... again.

2: No convincing people that we tackeled that deer because he stole our beef jerky.

3: No calling Alice 'little freak'.

4: No making out in Jasper's or anyone elses rooms, because mine is being painted.

5: No stealing Alice's swimwear to make her think she's crazy.''

"You stole my Abercrombie and Fitch bikini!" Alice screamed, I laughed Edward frowned. "Those are hardly fair.'' Edward said, while the others laughed. "Now, Emmett's turn.'' I said handing him his list. He read;

"1: No running through Wal*Mart telling people I'm Clark Kent hence Superman.

2: No going to California and screaming 'I killed Miley Cyrus' so the evil fangirls won't chase us out of the state... again.

3: No putting a can of paint on the door frame so someone gets it dumped on them.

4: No watching soap operas while there are other men in the room.

5: No ripping up Esme's drapes with vampire squirrels.''

"I knew those drapes were a different shade of blue!" Esme yelled. I chuckeled. "Now Alice, read your's.'' I said, handing the paper's to my tiny wife. She read;

''1: No telling Bella Edward ate Nessie's imaginary pony.

2: No shopping in Paris without supervision, for I might run up Carlisle's credit card bill to high.

3: No seeing if I can go the 200 miles per hour on my porsche.

4: No asking Jasper to manipulate people's emotions, escially Bella, to make them think they want to go shopping.

5: No painting Edward's volvo with raindbows and hearts and writing 'True Hippy' across the windshield.

"That was you?! I had to drive around town for two weeks like that because the paint wouldn't wash off!" he yelled Alice laughed. "So you stole my fave bikini, which I want back!" she snapped back. "Okay, Rosalie read this.'' I said. She read;

"1: No telling people that I'm the smart twin.

2: No throwing dog dishes at Jake.

3: No running over Mike Newton's cat purposely... again.

4: No singing at the top of your lungs, 'I kissed a vampire and I liked it, hope the Volturi don't mind it.' Ever again.

5: No painting Alice and Bella's faces with Alice's eyeliner.

"You used my eyeliner?" Alice asked, Rose nodded, Alice growled. "Okay, Bella.'' I handed her the list. She read;

"1: No playing Hank Williams music through the house to annoy everyone.

2: No hanging around Mike to annoy Jasper, Emmett, and Edward.

3: No letting Jacob spend the night.

4: No watching the news. It bores the crap out of everyone.

5: No putting gum on Rosalie's pillow so it get's in her hair.

"I knew you did that!" Rose eclaimed, Bella laughed sheepishly. "Now last but not least, Nessie.'' I handed her her list.

She read;

"1: No making Daddy, Uncle Jasper, or Uncle Emmett dress up like faeries.

2: No begging mommy for a pony.

3: No playing in Aunt Alice or Aunt Rosalie's make-up.

4: No taunting Jacob about how much better in hunting I am. Even though it's true.

5: No putting on Aunt Alice's stiletto heels, because I could break my ankle."

"You let her wear your heels?" Edward asked, Alice shook her head no. "So Jasper are you going to read your list?" Alice asked me. "Well you see--

"You didn't make one for yourself did you?" Edward cut in. "No.'' I muttered. "Oh I'll fix that.'' Alice said going to her room, five minutes later she came out carrying a sheet of paper. "Read.'' she commanded, small but rude. I read;

"1: No teaching Renesmee swear words, or of anything a eight year old shouldn't know.

2: No eating that guy that tails me down the free-way.

3: No eating Renesmee's pony, that Alice will be buying her.

4: No complaining when Alice and Rosalie make me carry their bags through the mall

5: No shaving Emmett's head like I was planning to.''

"You were going to shave my head?" Emmett asked, I laughed nervously. "I'm getting a pony?" Renesmee asked, Alice nodded, which was followed by Nessie shrieking and tackling Alice in a hug, she knocked over her Aunt that wasn't much taller than her, everyone laughed. "I wouldn't teach Renesmee swear words.'' I said. "But Uncle Jasper you already taught me--''

**fin**

**A/N: so did u like it, I hope so, it was just something random, please,please,please,please,please review!**

**(I'm hyper) And I didn't want to put a cuss word on my story, cause if my parents see it I might be in trouble.**


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